Tuesday, December 31, 2013

VenuG Presents: Mamata Didi & Omar Abdullah to support #NaMo4PM Happy New Year 2014

After avoiding news television , thanks to high decibel debates on TV, especially The NewsHour, via our favourite host Arnab Goswami, my main source of news, became news.Google.co.in , Twitter & print media.

     As the year 2013 drew to close, the plethora of POTY, NOTY, TOTY, OOTY, GOTY(Person, News, Technology, Outrage, Geek , of the year 2013) fed up, I decided to give the past, a go by, & decided to blog about the future. Since last night(29-12-2013) even Twitter failed me, by trending Alok Nath, without any Lajo jee! For no rhyme or reason, it trended & trended, thanks to @ArvindKejriwal himself tweeting some real news, by saying, that he was skipping first day in Office, also a Monday *winks* because of "Loose motions" . Then Alok Nath went out of trends. I had sympathy with Arvind Kejriwal, because like he caught the Delhi Belly, I myself had Kolkata E-Koli, *ate some fafda with Rum* (curses Gujus for creating such a savoury!)

   Then & there, I decided , let me do some crystal ball gazing, look into the future, what lies in store for us Indians in 2014. Before I do write, what I intend to write, please read THIS interesting piece of crystal ball gazing, "Reimagining India" by @saliltripathi on @livemint , which, I found funny but hypothetically improbable.

    So, here is how, 2014, shall be, for you, dear Indian brothers & sisters.
VenuG Presents: India in 2014.
As he sees it.

    The year will start with a bang on 1st January, when both @quizderek & abdullah_Omar would tweet about an offline meet up along with Biman Bose &  
Prakash Karat, & that, they all had in unison decided to back @narendramodi Saheb, in his bid at #NaMo4PM & #BJP272 which prompted @ArvindKejriwal to set up a Facebook Fan page to enroll
AAP membership in Kashmir, Tripura, Bengal & Kerala .
The move got quick results with 500000 members joining the page in 1 hour. This forced SP & BSP to assure outside support to Saheb, & all pre-poll surveys, confirm BJP win in Lok Sabha elections. All CITU, SFI & TMC trade unions decided to merge with Bhartiya Majdoor Singh(BMS) & Akhil Bhartiya Vidyarthi Parishad(ABVP) .

      They also overnight decided to dye their flags from Red to Saffron, providing additional livelihood to minority community, which promised to vote for NDA.

   As per Derek O'Brien, Mamata Didi, like Biryani with Kashmiri Zafraan, (Saffron) & BJP colour is Saffron, so does the Indian Tricolour. As per Omar Abdullah, Kashmir, Iran & BJP have ancient
Cultural relations with The BJP, due to Zafraan, hence National Conference had no other choice, but to support Saheb & BJP.

   Hearing this new chain of events, MMS was affected by PMS and immediately put in his papers, stating his wish to work for the Party, and Rahul Gandhi, was anointed as the interim Prime Minister, till the Lok Sabha Elections slated in May 2014.  By this move, he entered the Guinness Book of World Records,
Being the 4th person from the same family, to become the head of any democracy.

     Post elections following would be the consequences.

    The most important consequence would be, in the media, Arnab Goswami, will quit Times Now & join the now aquired by Reliance Aastha Channel to give religious discources, with a new name Arnab Go swami, as prompted by Android autocorrect. With the funds, acquired from Aastha Sale, they would buy Prasar Bharati & its bouquet of Doordarshan Channels, & Baba Ramdev, would be the new Director of Prasar Bharati.
   Aakar Patel will finally join Twitter & Facebook, to troll @narendramodi his tweets will be thankfully in Gujarati.

    @mediacrooks will take over @Ndtv & start a new show, titled "The Muck Stops Here" with a 5 minute daily segment on how to effectively use screenshots & photoshopping, its most avid viewer would be @BDutt who would now make Photoshop images of Rahul Gandhi's rallies & Modi Saheb & Twitpic them daily from US.

    Dr Manmohan Singh , join TimesNow, and be the new Anchor on The NewsHour, to the delight of Narendra Modi Saheb, as the only "Question I am asking Tonight" would be #TheekHai ?

   Mani Shanker Aiyer, would join ETNow & talk about "Shauchalaya, Rugnalaya aur Vidyalaya na ki Ramalaya"
Jairam Ramesh & Shashi Tharoor, would be co-anchors.

  #BB8 or Big Boss 8 which usually has out of work people, would have Digvijay Singh, Sanjay Jha, Nitish Kumar, Rabri Devi, Yedurayappa & Buddhadeb Dasgupta. Star will have Narendra Modi ka swayamvar, for the first time, the groom will be represented by a 180ft statue, with a webcam & speakerphone, where through which Saheb will interact with the prospective brides.

    Sharad Pawar will join BJP, and release new GM Crop, called Amra Vati Saheb, a new variety of Nashik Onion in the shape of reverse lotus, which will be easier to place on Desi Maal Retail outlets, due to its flat base, not only will it be physically steady, but also steady in price, its production could be increased or decreased, according to the election schedules. This will be a revolution in design & quality, as it not make the user shed even a bit of tears, on the contrary, each skin, would carry pictures of Lal Krishna Advani, Shivnath Singh Chauhan, Sushma Swaraj, Arun Jaitley & Murli Manohar Joshi which would shed tears when peeled off, with voice of Smriti Irani saying "Saheb Thai Gayu" on every skin being peeled. The centre most pod would be a Narendra Modi statue, standing like Swami Vivekananda and saying Jai Sri Krishna. This Kinda, will be a world wide hit, making Narendra Modi a much sought after world leader. The statue will release a laughter gas making the Onion user laugh, every time they peeled or cut an onion.

   During elections in UP, Akhilesh Yadav, will write to Election Commission , to ban the use of word "AAP" in Lucknow, & AAM(mangoes) in UP, till the end of Lok Sabha elections, as it would help AAP (AAM Aadmi Party) in getting votes. EC will ban both, till the end of Elections, resulting in fall of Mango prices, making Mango cultivators across India vote for AAP. All the Gujratis would vote for AAP for making Apus (Alphonso ) Mango cheaper.

   Rahul Gandhi, will start a new firm, manufacturing paper shredders, as a forward integration process, to process, all the papers, acts, bills & commission reports, & supreme court decisions he tore, in run up to the elections.

    Sonia Gandhi, would start Hindi Speaking classes, for Italians, in India, as Hindi would be the new language for business communication.

      Advertisement industry, would find innovative ways of inserting brands, into Bollywood item number songs, as all channels, would only show Saheb's speeches now.

       LIFW, shall have Anita Dongre, Rajesh Pratap Singh, J J Vallaya, Kallol Datta, Meera & Muzaffer Ali, Gudda(our Rohit Bal
No?) Tarun Tahliani, Ritu Kumar & Bhairavi Jaikishan do lines called, Saffron, Zafraan, Crocus, Orange, Kesar, Kesariya, Basanti, Orange & Ochre. Osho & Nagpur Orange Growers Association will sue, stating infringemenet of livelihood & Kashmir Saffron Nexus would issue threat to blowup the ramp. Amit Shah, the new minister for Indian Culture, will promptly ban all the three oorganisations. Prompting Shobha De to write in Times of India, how she would love to hug Amit "Bhai" .
Amul will bring a new topical everyday, with only one subject, Modi Saheb, with the punchline now as utterly modify delicious Amul.
    A Dumka startup(its in Jharkhand) funded by Mahi Dhoni, would create a Twitter App, which would sort your follower list on Right Wing Hindu, Sickular & Jhadu ki Jhappi leanings, and put them into separate lists.

   Bollywood, will start a new co-branding concept, where, when you buy a ticket for a 300+ Crores blockbuster, you would get 2 Free tickets to two new small films, financed by Amir Khan, Kiran Rap, Anurag Kashyap, Uday Chopra or Karan Johar.

    There would be a new breed of film critic PR professionals, who would write negative press reviews of films, likely to break the 300+ Crores mark at the box office.
    Music Bands will make controversial statements, at youth festival gigs, to promote the college fest.

     Dabur, will come up with a cheaper new Chinese Groundnut flavoured  Honey, with brand name "Yo Yo Honey Singh"

Khap Panchayat will set up research centres, around the country, to identify, foods & gadgets, due to which sex drive in youth goes up, resulting crime against women.

  Indian Mothers would stop idolising Sons & Mothers-in-law their greed for Khandan Aagey Chalane waali nishani.

    India will become a 3rd World 3rd Grade country to live in.

   VenuG WILL STOP WRITING BLOGS & POEMS & SONGS. Quit Twitter & Facebook.
Between writing this blog
Narendra Modi has been mentioned in past tense, with a hashtag #NaMoIn2013

   So that's what my Crystal Ball tells me dear Indians!!!
PS:I bought the Chinese Crystal Ball from a low grade market, selling goods made by USA(Ulhasnagar Sindhi Association)

     Since none of the above is possible or plausible, I'm sure all you Indians, would have a Hot, Happening & Rocking New Year.
Some traces of Diarrhoea still left in me, but cured of my mental diarrhoea :)
Happy New Year 2014
Happy New Year dear Indians.
Be as positive as +VenuG
And keep smiling,
May the year bring
365 days of hope,
8820 hours of Smiles,
529200 minutes of dreams,
31752000 seconds of Laughter.
Happy New Year 2014. 

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

VenuG Presents : Sonia Gandhi richer than Queen Elizabeth II This Huffington Post Editor not only needs to be sacked, but sent to Mental Asylum

1 If you compare Queens Anniversary & Olympics,
or Queens dresses with Sonia Gandhi's Cotton Sarees, bought in 1990's with Pupul Jayakar,
Huffington Post goose is cooked!!!
2 Robert Mugabe, the most corrupt man on Planet
Earth ever to be born is not on the list.
5. UPA has shown thumb to
Warren Buffet(Berkshire HathawayInsurance)
Bank of Americ(Banking)
Boeing Dream liner.
Nuclear Energy firms.
KPMG, Nielsen, TAM,
S&P &Fitch.
US Badly wants to enter India & only way
they can do is via Narendra Modi.
6 If you calculate all contracts, ever since
independence, 10% of that is not $2.19 billion.
These guys are crazy.
Just compare the lifestyle & decide whos rich.
There are people like Silvio Berlusconi,
not on thelist.
Musharraf, Nawaz Sharif.
Just compare their lifestyle.
This is malicious pr lobby rumour
mongering, to prevent Mulayam Singh Yadav from
Becoming PM.
He is certain to be.
NaMo can't win190 that leaves 82 short.
Only Fresh thing here
If you see transparency international list, dictatorial
states & kingdoms, countries with bad hr standards
like Bangladesh & Cambodia rank above India.
Let's get real. We just send a mission to Mars.
Yanks have a qe taper & fiscal cliff hanging up their
Your PR guys are doing awesome work for NaMo,
via Mint, ET, even aajtak saying effing investors, those PR agency & fund manager driven surveys,
Investor surveys, market maker surveys, fund managers surveys.
WTF!!! People run democracies, not PE investors or cross border fund managers. If they were that smart, Greece wouldn't have happened.
effing corporates want Modi! Yes scoundrels want
scoundrels. Its back to crony capitalism. Now Even
Narayana Murthy behaves like Laloo Prasad, & Behan
Mayawati. The neo rich Dalits.
You know what I'm hinting
What I'm hinting at is,
Opinion polls all of them, hint at a hung Lok Sabha.
If Mulayam or Mamata become PM, the Yanks go
from frying pan to fire. No BJP is risky to US!
So tarnish SoniaG , get the "can't say 27%" swing
NaMo way, then, he's the next Saddam, Osama or
Shah of Iran.
Don't mistake, Anna Movement was totally funded
by Yankee Doodles. Check there accounts. 95%
funds came from US. even the missed call got BC
funding of a million $'s Why? Data mining.
Its all about markets & the money
honey. #kvgm # venuspeak

Kaushik Chakraborty posts this.
I react in seconds.

Mahesh Murthy Posts it.
I copy paste what I wrote on Kaushiks status.

Sampath Iyengar posts.
Click link.
Voila Sonia Gandhi's name removed from rich list, by Huffungton Post!!!

The numbers are debatable.
Sonia Gandhi has assets worth $2 billion? Yo Momma So rich?
How desperate are the republicans, for Indian Markets??
Very I'm sure, these are the signs of desperate attempts to foist a
Pro Uncle Sam regime in Delhi.
I prove here.
I mean:
The bloody list should be named
"Enemies America Hates, but can't do a thing!!!"
Putin, Kim, Assad, Sonia Gandhi YES!!!
But Zardari, Mugabe, Nawaz Sharif, Musharraf, Nigerian president Silvio Berlusconi? no!!!
What does Huffington Post treat its readers as? Dimwitted?
My take, only Queen Elizabeth's Tiaras & Crowns alone, would be more than All the rest put together. Am I clear?
Idiots, just follow the lifestyle, cars, jets, cruise ships, QEII has all. You MORONS!!!

Here is my reaction.