Tuesday, December 31, 2013

VenuG Presents: Mamata Didi & Omar Abdullah to support #NaMo4PM Happy New Year 2014

After avoiding news television , thanks to high decibel debates on TV, especially The NewsHour, via our favourite host Arnab Goswami, my main source of news, became news.Google.co.in , Twitter & print media.

     As the year 2013 drew to close, the plethora of POTY, NOTY, TOTY, OOTY, GOTY(Person, News, Technology, Outrage, Geek , of the year 2013) fed up, I decided to give the past, a go by, & decided to blog about the future. Since last night(29-12-2013) even Twitter failed me, by trending Alok Nath, without any Lajo jee! For no rhyme or reason, it trended & trended, thanks to @ArvindKejriwal himself tweeting some real news, by saying, that he was skipping first day in Office, also a Monday *winks* because of "Loose motions" . Then Alok Nath went out of trends. I had sympathy with Arvind Kejriwal, because like he caught the Delhi Belly, I myself had Kolkata E-Koli, *ate some fafda with Rum* (curses Gujus for creating such a savoury!)

   Then & there, I decided , let me do some crystal ball gazing, look into the future, what lies in store for us Indians in 2014. Before I do write, what I intend to write, please read THIS interesting piece of crystal ball gazing, "Reimagining India" by @saliltripathi on @livemint , which, I found funny but hypothetically improbable.

    So, here is how, 2014, shall be, for you, dear Indian brothers & sisters.
VenuG Presents: India in 2014.
As he sees it.

    The year will start with a bang on 1st January, when both @quizderek & abdullah_Omar would tweet about an offline meet up along with Biman Bose &  
Prakash Karat, & that, they all had in unison decided to back @narendramodi Saheb, in his bid at #NaMo4PM & #BJP272 which prompted @ArvindKejriwal to set up a Facebook Fan page to enroll
AAP membership in Kashmir, Tripura, Bengal & Kerala .
The move got quick results with 500000 members joining the page in 1 hour. This forced SP & BSP to assure outside support to Saheb, & all pre-poll surveys, confirm BJP win in Lok Sabha elections. All CITU, SFI & TMC trade unions decided to merge with Bhartiya Majdoor Singh(BMS) & Akhil Bhartiya Vidyarthi Parishad(ABVP) .

      They also overnight decided to dye their flags from Red to Saffron, providing additional livelihood to minority community, which promised to vote for NDA.

   As per Derek O'Brien, Mamata Didi, like Biryani with Kashmiri Zafraan, (Saffron) & BJP colour is Saffron, so does the Indian Tricolour. As per Omar Abdullah, Kashmir, Iran & BJP have ancient
Cultural relations with The BJP, due to Zafraan, hence National Conference had no other choice, but to support Saheb & BJP.

   Hearing this new chain of events, MMS was affected by PMS and immediately put in his papers, stating his wish to work for the Party, and Rahul Gandhi, was anointed as the interim Prime Minister, till the Lok Sabha Elections slated in May 2014.  By this move, he entered the Guinness Book of World Records,
Being the 4th person from the same family, to become the head of any democracy.

     Post elections following would be the consequences.

    The most important consequence would be, in the media, Arnab Goswami, will quit Times Now & join the now aquired by Reliance Aastha Channel to give religious discources, with a new name Arnab Go swami, as prompted by Android autocorrect. With the funds, acquired from Aastha Sale, they would buy Prasar Bharati & its bouquet of Doordarshan Channels, & Baba Ramdev, would be the new Director of Prasar Bharati.
   Aakar Patel will finally join Twitter & Facebook, to troll @narendramodi his tweets will be thankfully in Gujarati.

    @mediacrooks will take over @Ndtv & start a new show, titled "The Muck Stops Here" with a 5 minute daily segment on how to effectively use screenshots & photoshopping, its most avid viewer would be @BDutt who would now make Photoshop images of Rahul Gandhi's rallies & Modi Saheb & Twitpic them daily from US.

    Dr Manmohan Singh , join TimesNow, and be the new Anchor on The NewsHour, to the delight of Narendra Modi Saheb, as the only "Question I am asking Tonight" would be #TheekHai ?

   Mani Shanker Aiyer, would join ETNow & talk about "Shauchalaya, Rugnalaya aur Vidyalaya na ki Ramalaya"
Jairam Ramesh & Shashi Tharoor, would be co-anchors.

  #BB8 or Big Boss 8 which usually has out of work people, would have Digvijay Singh, Sanjay Jha, Nitish Kumar, Rabri Devi, Yedurayappa & Buddhadeb Dasgupta. Star will have Narendra Modi ka swayamvar, for the first time, the groom will be represented by a 180ft statue, with a webcam & speakerphone, where through which Saheb will interact with the prospective brides.

    Sharad Pawar will join BJP, and release new GM Crop, called Amra Vati Saheb, a new variety of Nashik Onion in the shape of reverse lotus, which will be easier to place on Desi Maal Retail outlets, due to its flat base, not only will it be physically steady, but also steady in price, its production could be increased or decreased, according to the election schedules. This will be a revolution in design & quality, as it not make the user shed even a bit of tears, on the contrary, each skin, would carry pictures of Lal Krishna Advani, Shivnath Singh Chauhan, Sushma Swaraj, Arun Jaitley & Murli Manohar Joshi which would shed tears when peeled off, with voice of Smriti Irani saying "Saheb Thai Gayu" on every skin being peeled. The centre most pod would be a Narendra Modi statue, standing like Swami Vivekananda and saying Jai Sri Krishna. This Kinda, will be a world wide hit, making Narendra Modi a much sought after world leader. The statue will release a laughter gas making the Onion user laugh, every time they peeled or cut an onion.

   During elections in UP, Akhilesh Yadav, will write to Election Commission , to ban the use of word "AAP" in Lucknow, & AAM(mangoes) in UP, till the end of Lok Sabha elections, as it would help AAP (AAM Aadmi Party) in getting votes. EC will ban both, till the end of Elections, resulting in fall of Mango prices, making Mango cultivators across India vote for AAP. All the Gujratis would vote for AAP for making Apus (Alphonso ) Mango cheaper.

   Rahul Gandhi, will start a new firm, manufacturing paper shredders, as a forward integration process, to process, all the papers, acts, bills & commission reports, & supreme court decisions he tore, in run up to the elections.

    Sonia Gandhi, would start Hindi Speaking classes, for Italians, in India, as Hindi would be the new language for business communication.

      Advertisement industry, would find innovative ways of inserting brands, into Bollywood item number songs, as all channels, would only show Saheb's speeches now.

       LIFW, shall have Anita Dongre, Rajesh Pratap Singh, J J Vallaya, Kallol Datta, Meera & Muzaffer Ali, Gudda(our Rohit Bal
No?) Tarun Tahliani, Ritu Kumar & Bhairavi Jaikishan do lines called, Saffron, Zafraan, Crocus, Orange, Kesar, Kesariya, Basanti, Orange & Ochre. Osho & Nagpur Orange Growers Association will sue, stating infringemenet of livelihood & Kashmir Saffron Nexus would issue threat to blowup the ramp. Amit Shah, the new minister for Indian Culture, will promptly ban all the three oorganisations. Prompting Shobha De to write in Times of India, how she would love to hug Amit "Bhai" .
Amul will bring a new topical everyday, with only one subject, Modi Saheb, with the punchline now as utterly modify delicious Amul.
    A Dumka startup(its in Jharkhand) funded by Mahi Dhoni, would create a Twitter App, which would sort your follower list on Right Wing Hindu, Sickular & Jhadu ki Jhappi leanings, and put them into separate lists.

   Bollywood, will start a new co-branding concept, where, when you buy a ticket for a 300+ Crores blockbuster, you would get 2 Free tickets to two new small films, financed by Amir Khan, Kiran Rap, Anurag Kashyap, Uday Chopra or Karan Johar.

    There would be a new breed of film critic PR professionals, who would write negative press reviews of films, likely to break the 300+ Crores mark at the box office.
    Music Bands will make controversial statements, at youth festival gigs, to promote the college fest.

     Dabur, will come up with a cheaper new Chinese Groundnut flavoured  Honey, with brand name "Yo Yo Honey Singh"

Khap Panchayat will set up research centres, around the country, to identify, foods & gadgets, due to which sex drive in youth goes up, resulting crime against women.

  Indian Mothers would stop idolising Sons & Mothers-in-law their greed for Khandan Aagey Chalane waali nishani.

    India will become a 3rd World 3rd Grade country to live in.

   VenuG WILL STOP WRITING BLOGS & POEMS & SONGS. Quit Twitter & Facebook.
Between writing this blog
Narendra Modi has been mentioned in past tense, with a hashtag #NaMoIn2013

   So that's what my Crystal Ball tells me dear Indians!!!
PS:I bought the Chinese Crystal Ball from a low grade market, selling goods made by USA(Ulhasnagar Sindhi Association)

     Since none of the above is possible or plausible, I'm sure all you Indians, would have a Hot, Happening & Rocking New Year.
Some traces of Diarrhoea still left in me, but cured of my mental diarrhoea :)
Happy New Year 2014
Happy New Year dear Indians.
Be as positive as +VenuG
And keep smiling,
May the year bring
365 days of hope,
8820 hours of Smiles,
529200 minutes of dreams,
31752000 seconds of Laughter.
Happy New Year 2014. 

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

VenuG Presents : Sonia Gandhi richer than Queen Elizabeth II This Huffington Post Editor not only needs to be sacked, but sent to Mental Asylum

1 If you compare Queens Anniversary & Olympics,
or Queens dresses with Sonia Gandhi's Cotton Sarees, bought in 1990's with Pupul Jayakar,
Huffington Post goose is cooked!!!
2 Robert Mugabe, the most corrupt man on Planet
Earth ever to be born is not on the list.
5. UPA has shown thumb to
Warren Buffet(Berkshire HathawayInsurance)
Bank of Americ(Banking)
Boeing Dream liner.
Nuclear Energy firms.
KPMG, Nielsen, TAM,
S&P &Fitch.
US Badly wants to enter India & only way
they can do is via Narendra Modi.
6 If you calculate all contracts, ever since
independence, 10% of that is not $2.19 billion.
These guys are crazy.
Just compare the lifestyle & decide whos rich.
There are people like Silvio Berlusconi,
not on thelist.
Musharraf, Nawaz Sharif.
Just compare their lifestyle.
This is malicious pr lobby rumour
mongering, to prevent Mulayam Singh Yadav from
Becoming PM.
He is certain to be.
NaMo can't win190 that leaves 82 short.
Only Fresh thing here
If you see transparency international list, dictatorial
states & kingdoms, countries with bad hr standards
like Bangladesh & Cambodia rank above India.
Let's get real. We just send a mission to Mars.
Yanks have a qe taper & fiscal cliff hanging up their
Your PR guys are doing awesome work for NaMo,
via Mint, ET, even aajtak saying effing investors, those PR agency & fund manager driven surveys,
Investor surveys, market maker surveys, fund managers surveys.
WTF!!! People run democracies, not PE investors or cross border fund managers. If they were that smart, Greece wouldn't have happened.
effing corporates want Modi! Yes scoundrels want
scoundrels. Its back to crony capitalism. Now Even
Narayana Murthy behaves like Laloo Prasad, & Behan
Mayawati. The neo rich Dalits.
You know what I'm hinting
What I'm hinting at is,
Opinion polls all of them, hint at a hung Lok Sabha.
If Mulayam or Mamata become PM, the Yanks go
from frying pan to fire. No BJP is risky to US!
So tarnish SoniaG , get the "can't say 27%" swing
NaMo way, then, he's the next Saddam, Osama or
Shah of Iran.
Don't mistake, Anna Movement was totally funded
by Yankee Doodles. Check there accounts. 95%
funds came from US. even the missed call got BC
funding of a million $'s Why? Data mining.
Its all about markets & the money
honey. #kvgm # venuspeak

Kaushik Chakraborty posts this.
I react in seconds.

Mahesh Murthy Posts it.
I copy paste what I wrote on Kaushiks status.

Sampath Iyengar posts.
Click link.
Voila Sonia Gandhi's name removed from rich list, by Huffungton Post!!!

The numbers are debatable.
Sonia Gandhi has assets worth $2 billion? Yo Momma So rich?
How desperate are the republicans, for Indian Markets??
Very I'm sure, these are the signs of desperate attempts to foist a
Pro Uncle Sam regime in Delhi.
I prove here.
I mean:
The bloody list should be named
"Enemies America Hates, but can't do a thing!!!"
Putin, Kim, Assad, Sonia Gandhi YES!!!
But Zardari, Mugabe, Nawaz Sharif, Musharraf, Nigerian president Silvio Berlusconi? no!!!
What does Huffington Post treat its readers as? Dimwitted?
My take, only Queen Elizabeth's Tiaras & Crowns alone, would be more than All the rest put together. Am I clear?
Idiots, just follow the lifestyle, cars, jets, cruise ships, QEII has all. You MORONS!!!

Here is my reaction.


Friday, November 29, 2013

VenuG Presents: Meenakshi Lekhi(ko gussan kyon aata hai) ne Twitter par kya likha? Jaane ke liye dekhiye, रवीश की रिपोर्ट

शुक्रवार २९-११-२०१३

खबर : भाजपा वक्ता मीनाक्षी लेखी ने , तरुण तेजपाल प्रकरण मे पीडिता का नाम, ट्विट्टर पर उजागर किया.

निम्नलिखित लेख, मिथ्य घटनाओं पर आधारित है. कृप्या इसेे एक कटाक्ष या हास्य लेखन समझें!
लेख का ऊद्देश्य, केवल लोगों को हंसाना मात्र है!
लेखक का किसी भी जीवित या मृत व्यक्ती का चरित्रहरण या को हानी पँहुचाना नही है
वेणुगोपाल मेनॉन
एसी टिप्पणी, मैने आज तक, किसी ब्लॉग में नही करी है.

रवीश : हैलो! राजनाथ जी,
रवीश की रिपोर्ट से रवीश बोल रहा
हुँ!! सर, मीनाक्शी जी ने, ट्विट्टर पर,
तेजपाल काँड मे लिप्त पीडिता
का नाम, ट्विटटर पर ऊंडेल दिया है,
आप कुछ टिप्पऩी करना चाहते हैं?
भाजपा अध्यक्ष: नमश्कार रवीश जी,
अब क्या कहैं?
लेखी का लिखा कौन टाल सकता है?
ट्विट्टर भी नहीं
रवीश: राजनाथ जी, मीनाक्षी लेखी
ने, वह चहक नष्ट कर दिया है. अब
आप क्या उनपर, कोई कठोर कदम
राजनाथ: रवीश जी, आप इतना क्यों
चहक रहें हैं? पहले उस चेतन भगत
पर तो कोइ ठोस कदम उठाए?
रवीश: पर चेतन भगत तो...
राजनाथ: ठीक है जावेद अख़तर पर
ही सही!!
रवीश: और मधु किशवर जी पर?
राजनाथ: अबबबब. अबबब हैल्लयू,
रवीश जी, कुछ आवाज अस्पष्ट सी
.... बीप बीप बीप डिस्कनेक्ट
रजत शर्मा, इंडिया टी वी से
राजनाथ जी...
राजनाथ: पहले उस शायर से सवाल
करो, जिसने तेजपाल को अचछा
पुरुष बताया... बीप बीप...
आषुतोष: राजनाथ जी, ...
राजनाथ की तरफ से... बीप बीप बीप
कुछ समय पश्चात
हैल्लो, मीनाक्शी, आइ एम नाविका
कुमार फ्रॉम द न्यूज़हावर स्टूडियोज़,
औरनोब वाँट्ज़ टु हैव ए वर्ड विद
यू, आर यू फ्री नॉव?
मीनाक्शी: येस अॉफ कोर्स, एस
ए बी जे पी स्पोक्सपर्सन, आई
एम अॉलवेज़ रेडी टू आन्सर,
अॉल युवर कोश्चन्स, पुट हिम
थ्रू प्लीज़ नाविका...
अरनब: लेडीज़ एण्ड जेंटसमेन,
दिस इस दा न्यूज़हावर, एण्ड
आई एम युवर होस्ट अरनब
गोस्वामी, लाईव, फ्रॉम दा
मुम्बइ स्टूडियोज़ अॉफ
टुडे वी हैव जस्ट वन गेसट
अॉन स्काइप फ्रोम हर
डेल्ही रेज़ीडेंस, दिस इस
ब्रेकिंग स्टोरी, हेन्स, लेट मी
स्ट्रेटअवे पुट यू टु मिस
मीनाक्शी लेखी इन डेल्ही
गुड ईविनिंग मीनीक्षी, वेल्कम
टू दा न्यूज़हावर
मीनाक्षी: लुक्स बोर्ड, वेटिंग
फॉर अरनब्ज़ लॉंग मोनोलॉग
टू एण्ड! हैलो अरनब!!!
अरनब: मीनाक्षी, ओह! इट्ज़
सो अनफॉरच्युनेट फॉर मी,
टु आस्क मीनाक्षी लेखी
दा बी जे पी स्पोक्सपर्सन,
देट -दिस हेड टु हैप्पन(अरनब
मट्टर्ज़ अंडर हिस ब्रेथ)
*** वेणूजी कम्मेट्स***
आइ एम वेटिंग अरनब!!!
जस्ट फॉर दोस फाईव
गोल्डन वर्डज़ व्ही हियर
डे आफ्टर डे!! कम अॉन डूड!!
अरनब: गेस्पस फॉर सम ब्रेथ
मीनाक्षी, दी कंटरी द टेक्सपेयर
वाँट्ज़ टु नो(टेम मीटर अॉबसर्व्ज़
दा न्यूज़हावर टी आर पी मेक्ज़ीमम
एट दिस वेरी मोमेंट!!!)
डिड यू अॉर डिड यू नॉट!!
रिवील द नेम अॉफ दा विक्टम
इन दा तरुण तेजपाल केस?
मीनाक्षी: टोटल साइलेंस
देन बीप बीप बीप
वाट हैप्पेन्ड नेक्सट, वास,
आन ट्विट्टर
हाऊ इट हेप्पन्स फॉर देट,
रीड माई ब्लॉग
"Facebook chale
Twitter challe, nainon tale,
Arnab ko kyon khaley hey?"
Read my other posts.
The name is Bond, Shames Bond, Amar Jyoti Kalita Guwahati Molestation for JusticeForWomen

Crimes of India, Tarun Tejp ka Tehelka Politics vs IPL vs Mefia

Punish Tarun Tejpal NOT Tehelka
" SaveTehelkaDothCome "
My other posts are worth a read
On the subject of Justice for women, misogyny, crimes against Women.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

VenuG Presents: If Tarun Tejpal is Ramalinga Raju, Tehelka is Satyam, Where are the Kiran Karniks, Deepak Parekhs Nandan Nilekanis And Tech Mahindras? Save Tehelka Doth Come

Hi Boys & Girls.
Sorry to butt in into a "Journalism School reunion"
A) No!!! I'm not a journalist!
B) I'm a PSU Banker by Profession.
C) I'm a Mentor by Passion.
D) I'm a fearless crusader for the "Aam Aadmi" using help, cutting across party lines.
E) By my ideology, I'm left of centre capitalist!! (I'm sure, you journalist, would NEVER get what it means) I am a trade union activist for 27 years, who rolled over, the first foray into Banking Automation, using computers, networks & delivery channels, which a Kolkata Commie despises, whom I find despicable!! I ask clerical trade unions, to fight first for regularisation of temps, before they ask for higher wages, tell my officers union, "Stop supporting outsourcing, will increase graft & crime"(Bangalore ATM??) oppose variable pay(will see bank branches like Nariman Point, Fort, being auctioned to highest bidder, like Byculla & Nala Sopara Thana) I for 18 years now, ALWAYS start the proceedings of my officers association open house, at its triennial conference with standard lines "Syndicate Bank Officers Association, PUHLEEZ note the order of words, Syndicate Bank stays, Officers stay, Officers stay, Association stays, job stays, salary stays, family stays, piece of mind stays. Respect your organisation, without which your reputation, family, your self esteem, your status in the society is ZERO!!! -like someone said TT is 100 SC is 00 without the prefix 1-

Beware, CEO & you are BOTH EMPLOYEES of the organisation, Organisation, is bigger than you or CEO. Safeguard its existence, by your ethical deeds. Once the organisation becomes -ve net worth , your goodwill becomes -ve!!!

F) Having achieved public works, worth Rs5000 crores in last 25 years, in Moradabad, Jaipur(also home town) Mumbai, Bikaner, Mathura, Agra, & now Kolkata(all places, where i lived for work) Trichur(native place) using, Congress, BJP, CPM, SP, BSP, Lok Dal, Forward Block & Shiv Sena. I like the Communism of Kerala(NOT BENGAL) BJPism of Rajasthan, MP & Maharashtra, not BI(MAR)U .
G) The events of present post Y2K GenX materialistic & ethic less society, we have seen mirth, in every pillar of democracy. Executive, Judiciary, Legislature & Media. The only Column, which is working efficiently, is "The Fifth Column"!!!

So dear Indians, shoot the messenger, not the message, Don't throw the Johnson Baby, with the Johnson Soapy water!!!

H) I have just liked one comment above, which compares "Tarun Tejpal" with "Ramalinga Raju" & "Tehelka" with "Satyam"
I) My question to Shefali Vaidya, Balakrishnan, Abhishek Kashyap & one more.... "The 100 odd journalists, can find jobs in other media houses EASILY" Really? Ha!!!
Ask me, a seasoned Mentor, I'm asking kids to quit infosys & tcs & join IOC, SAIL, IISc, IIT, IIM & PSU Banks, telling school kids to quit pcmb commerce & switch to humanities, stay vernacular, study English as core, Mandarin, Deutsch, Hindi, Tamil, Marathi, Bangla(or some such) I doubt, if you work for the media!!! How many have been laid off by Outlook, Caravan, Times Quest etc etc lately? Ad revenue is at rock bottom, there is severe recession in the media career space, matching the aviation, hospitality, ITES & Realty!! No guys, those 100 kids need a Kiran Karnik, Deepak Parekh & Tech Mahindra!!!

Or Else, media watchers will say "Keda Sher, Keda Tehelka, Keda Saand, KD Singh?? Bheegi Billi ja chuha banaa ditta, ais Tejpal ney ungal karke!!!

Get real, in recession, Tehelka MUST STAY.

Is between ToI White, Living Media Saffron, The Hindu & ABP Red, HT, NDTV IBN Green & Tehelka Yellow, only when all the colours are absorbed & dispelled , do you get news in Black & White for the Aam Aadmi.

Monday, November 25, 2013

VenuG Presents: Media Positioning.. Politics v/s IPL v/s Media A Nostradamus POV :-)

The time is right
For United Breweries
To chuck Kingfisher,
And bring a new brand
Of Rum
Then he could have
A 4PM Calender
With 52 weeks
52 Models are readily available
From the field of
Politics, Media & Cricket!!!
A sudden spurt of thoughts
On a status on "Media Ownership & its misuse" by Peri Maheshwar
CEO Careers360
On how editorial slant has
Adjusted with a view to 
Lok Sabha 2014 Elections in India.
 Please Note:This is fiction, purely a spoof,
A hypothetical view of mine,
Figment of my imagination.
Keep Laughing.
Cricket Shicket Ticket
Rabba Rabba
Hai mere rabba
Mainoon Chuck lai.
Maa da laadla Big Ad gaya.
Munda Kanda
Munda Kanda
Munda Kanda
O Rabbaaaa Mainoon Chuck Laid!
Kolkata, 24th November, 2013

Peri, you're the insider(Sunny Gavasker), 

I'm just an observer Like Ravi Shastri(CSDS Prannoy Roy) 
From where I see it,
I can see... 
Chaubey(Dhoni) Mayawati4PM has replaced
 Rajdeep(Ganguly) who's now the 12th Man 
due to just in case Eden Garden
Test Hobey Nna- Kejriwal4PM) 

Kanwal(Virat Hundu Kohli) NaMo4PM .
 Barkha(Shukla ) has no option but to stick to whoever BCCI(PMO) or Dalmiya(7, Race Course Road) . 
Shekhar (Tendulkar retired) Rohit(Who?) Is new Mumbai Indian, scores century gives credit to Shekhar(T) 
& hobnobs with Nita Bhabhi,(UPA in pocket),
Rahul4PM & To Jaitley(BJP) & NaMo4PM . 
Shoma (Mamata) Replaces Tejpal(Sibal) Mamata4PM

That leaves OurNoob(Joker in the pack, 
he's the Lalit Modi) Makes a Lot of Noise, 
against UPA BJP MMS NaMo AAP Shazia . 
He doesn't listen to anyone, 
doesn't let anyone talk, 
Nothing comes out of OurNoobs banter. 
Nor does he want it! Because, if everything is reformed, there wont be any
"The Question we are asking Tonight"
 left for OurNoob to ask no? 
Then NewsHour becomes Fuse hour!! 

          The only phone calls he takes is from 
Across the borders, 
from Islamabad, 
From Dubai 
From New YAark. 
From London 
From old foggies, with dentures, golf caps, 
Punjabi Yankee drawl,but he gets them insulted by panelists. :-) 

Whatever happens, the bets are placed, matches are spot fixed, the final call is in the finger tips of speed dials from Klifton Karachi, Or Dubai, of Soho .

       All we have to do is book the tickets of IPL(Lok Sabha India 2014)
Like we book Onions & Daalers & Potatoes, 
& Salt. 

    Go for the match(elections), 
Watch it from our hotel rooms at Pataya(Thigh Land)
On Twitter, where,
We could rant, debate, diss, cuss, argue, troll,
make pun, spoof, satire, stand up act, #parkytweets
The winner is PRe decided(by opinion polls) 
Then argue post match result
Finally drink some scotch & wait for the next match.(election) 
Peri(Sunny) Isn't This l, what happens in Indian democracy & politics?
No one's bothered to reform it, no reform will happen, no ones gonna give a damn to the result. Who ever wins, we lose pur 1000 bucks. #JaiHind
We are sorry guys
We have to call of the political party tonight
Miltein Hain,
Ek 5 Sal ke Khit-Khat-Khat-Pat-Jhat-Pat-Chottu-Mottu-Pappu-Feku
Break ke Bad!!!
Tab Tak,
Karl Tak
Keep Laughing.
Hanste Raho....
Jaagte Raho...

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

VenuG Presents: Why Bharatiya Mahila Bank? Chidiya Rani, Badi Sayani, Yeh to Papa ki bhi Nani. :)

Good Morning
You suck blogger!!!
I'm writing this all over again.
Just when, I had finished this post,
You deleted everything.
I did a wonderful job,
But looking at the research I did,
For this post,
I'm not grumbling,
As my earlier post on NPA,
Is  a hit, so , this one too shall be.
Since, I'm an insider, with 27 years of hardcore Banking exposure,
 At levels starting from Rural, to international business, to Infotech, from treasury & international banking, to personal banking, retail to wholesale, from cash management, to resource management to logistics.
At this very moment I deal with supplies, to eastern region, to all eastern States, except Udisha. The support of resources for inclusive Banking & financial inclusion.
Here it goes.
The real subject,
Shall come, after a very long prologue.
End with an epilogue.


Why Bharatiya Mahila Bank?
Referred to as BMB hereinafter

Good Morning.
I have 104° Fever.
Today is 20th November, 2013.
I login to Twitter.
The first tweet that I read is by Chidiya Rani.
A.K.A. http://twitter.com/SomeBirdie

Which reads like

" @SomeBirdie: I'm a feminist but to me, Bharatiya Mahila Bank does not make much sense. It is nothing more than a normal Bank with all female employees."


The tweet struck me, like a lightning here was someone, a woman, a feminist,
a career woman, originally from Nainital hills, educated, from Delhi, now married,
and living in Bengaluru, and who has just started working again, after a brief gap.
Asking, why a uni-sex bank, can't serve a female client??!!

Me, I'm a PSU Banker, a student of commerce, Studied Money, Banking & Finance, from 1975-76, Xth Commerce, 1976-77 XIth Commerce, 1977-81,
B.Com, 1981-83 M.Com(Accountancy & Busines Statistics, with Banking & Economics) & 1991-94, M.B.A.(Finance) again with Banking, a Career Banker,
with 28 years of service, 1985-2013(present) 3 years rural service, a CAIIB from Indian Institute of Bankers & a Diploma in Banking, from The University
of Rajasthan, Jaipur. Now, that I'm working for a PSU Banker, was not sufficient enough, for me, to react to react to her tweets . I work with Syndicate Bank,
the history of which in itself is inclusive.
See this, why & how we started. And we still, are, THE ONLY BANK, WITH ITS HEADQUARTERS IN A VILLAGE!!! Manipal in Dakshina Kannada.
    We are not only inclusive, but also proactive towards farmers & rural folk, women, youth, our motto is "SMALL MANS BIG BANK. We started, our first all women branch, in Gandhinagar, Bangalore, not now, but in 1962!!!
see link.
We started opening all women branches, left, right, & centre, employed a lot of women, in Matunga, Mumbai, Sethi Colony, Jaipur, INA Colony, Delhi.

At one time, we had 10 all women branches. Our Sethi Colony, Jaipur, branch, had only one male employee, Shyam Lal, he still works at our Regional Office Jaipur. Two of the women staff, of that branch, Neelu Mathur & Sandhya Goel, about to retire, still call
him Shyamu, he was a small boy then. Though, all those branches, are now, mixed branches no longer, all women branches. except our Matunga Main,
Mumbai Branch!
Why? Later.

letting you know, why, the 4 Tweets by @SomeBirdie forced me to write this post!
I'm speaking & writing this, as an individual. This must not be under any circumstances
be considered , the official position of the Bank. This is for academic purposes, &
in no way, should be considered, as my official position. I act in my official capacity,
as per the policies of my employer.

Then She tweets

" @SomeBirdie: They could have made a rule for all banks to have atleast 1 branch in each city with all female employees. That would have made more sense."

Again, as I mentioned above, there were all ladies branches, but then, we had to convert them into mixed gender branches! Why? We found, customers, of that area, were mostly male, there was a tranport nagar, nearby, and most of the customers, were related to truck & transport operators & their employees. Women staff & officers, getting married, and getting transferred, lack of suffiecient female personell. Remember, this was 1960-1980, my own sister Joined SBBJ, via BSRB(State bank recruitment board 1st exam) in 1978 and she was a minoity, She and another friend of hers, joining, United India Insurance company, & another friend, joining State Bank of Indore, were a few exceptional cases, that I knew of in the late 1970s, mind you, I knew over 200 women then, of which, except the group of 6, that my sister belonged to, everyone else, married, and, never took a career!!! It was much later, when I graduated, 15-20% women joined workforce. I remember, in my Class of 83 in The University, I had 7 senior & 6 female classmates, in a combined class of 120, out of the 13, only 4 took up career. In my Pribationer Batch, there were 6/960 women! Plus, licensing regime, was such, if there was a branch, in Sethi Colony, which was all female manned, we could NOT open another all male branch, not only us, but no other bank could! So, the early experiments,
of all female branches failed to stay for long. Mind you, the experiment in itself was a success, as we could canvass a substantial business, from housewives, female professionals, out of these all female branches, which is one of my moot points, Why, BMB , is needed. Women, especially for borrowal accounts, feel comfortable, dealing with women, and overawed by men!!!

@SomeBirdie: When there's no discrimination made b/w men & women in the existing banking system, y create something new? Seems like an election gimmick.


@SomeBirdie: If they really wanted to help rural women they should have opened all-female-employee based new branches of current state banks in villages.

Monday, November 18, 2013

VenuG Presents M.J.Akbar, Mamata Didi, Cameron and Calcutta A Win-Win situation.

I read this interesting piece of Op-Ed, in the Sunday 17th November, 2013, edition of The Sunday Times(timesofindia) by M.J.Akbar, erstwhile editor, The Sunday, one of the first few English language weekly magazines in India, from the stables of Ananda Bazaar Patrika stables, which used to come out from Kolkata, in the eighties & nineties, till Mr Akbar, decided to join Politica & contest in an Election. Mr Akbar, who has spent, a substantial time of his prime life, in Calcutta(much before, it became Kolkata) is an old hand at Calcutta, and is qualfied, to comment on the matters, relating to the city, because, he has lived in Calcutta, when it still was a cultural hub, and a production hub, of intellectuals of very high calibre. When, after reading it in the print, I tried to share the same, on Twitter, via
which I
frequently do, whenever, I find an interesting piece in the media, I found loads of comments, opposing & supporting Mr Akbar.

I felt in strong agreement with Mr Akbar's POV, and further to this, I found, many pravasi bangalis( Bengalis who migrated from Bengal,(after left took over) non Bangalis, who never lived in India, and some few Locals.

I felt the need to verbalize my strong views, on why Kolkata Rocks, & why, most of the prospective investors to Bengal are robbers more than investors or entrepreneurs!!!

Before iI come to the issue
Communicate my point of view
Let me tell you
Something about myself.
I'm a born extrovert,
Have lived in 17 cities in India,
And I acclimatize myself into every city, town or village,
Assimilate into its psyche and culture.
I came into Kolkata(I did not come to Calcutta)
At the time, June 2009, when social media,
Facebook & Twitter, were in its nascent stage.
I had an account on Gmail, Yahoo & Orkut,
I was an Orkutiya, when I entered Kolkata.
My very old & good buddy, Shifali Ummatt,
Send an invite to my this Facebook account.
Without boring you, here is my account,
Of how, I became VenuG, from K.Venugopal Menon.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

VenuG Presents A Tip to Airtel Don't Take Customers for a Royal Ride, but a roller coaster ride

How my 4 year silence having sufferred at the hands of Airtel made millions of consumers.

Name: K.Venugopal Menon.
DTH Consumer number 3001530231
Mobile Number +919007910731
Complaint No
" Namaste! Your Ref no. for STB issues is 32650591. Pls share Happy Code 152 with engineer once issue is resolved. For any Query pls call 9831040023 "

Dear Airtel
I went to buy a 40" LED FULL HDTV AT 36900(18 EMI * 2050). With that, I was getting Dish TV free. Lo Behold, only then I came to know, how much you were cheating me.

    I was told by the shopkeeper.
A)Dish charges Ra 270 per month & Airtel is charging me Ra403.
B)There are 40 HD channels on Dish. Airtel has 17 as on date.

   I have been telling your customer care, I shall approach TRAI AGAINST AIRTEL , for illegal charge of Ra100 everytime your engineer comes to my home, WHEN YOUR SERVICE GOES "OUT OF SERVICE"

    THRICE, I have paid you Ra100 for
i)Remote does'nt work.
ii)Remote does'nt work.
iii)No Service
That is Ra300.

For last MONTH, I'm facing problem, where the DTH goes off automatically. A message appears on screen. "Please wait initialising" As far as I know, this is the problem of set top box.

I called customer care recording enclosed. on Youtube. LINK.
ME: I have been problem "Please wait initializing" . When I called last, the customer care representative told me to change the socket. I changed. Still No change.
Pallavi: Sir, Aapka set top box replace karna padega jiska aapko Ra350 dena padega(Sir, Your set top box needs to be replaced. For which You will have to pay Ra350.
Me: But The previous representative said Ra125(Increased from January 2013.
Pallavi:Sir, That Ra125 is separate. + Ra350 for STB.
Me:But BSNL, CESC, WATER DEPARTMENT , INDANE Don't charge me like this, for sending Man/replacement. Just a week back, my BSNL Landline, stopped working, I lodged a complaint on 1501. The BsNL lineman came, he did not charge a penny.
Pallavi:Sir, we charge should I book a complaint??
Me:Please do, but I am doing so under protest, will take it to TRAI.

BSNL:->> When he could not find a way to repair it, they replaced the handset for free. They did not charge ONE NAYA PAISA.ONE naya paisa. DID YOU HEAR THAT AIRTEL? I called Indane for gas leakage, thd cylinder was leaking, they did replace cylinder FOR FREE , HALF USED CYLINDER.
At the time of registration, in 2009, I paid you Rs1695. This means I paid for the security deposit for set top box & Dish. The set top box & Dish are your equipment. When it fails to perform, it is your responsibility.

I also pay to you Ra403 per month for services.

If my logic is right, if you took a security deposit + a monthly fee, from me, the respinsibility, that YOUR SYSTEMS, YOUR CABLE, YOUR DISH, YOUR SET TOP BOX & YOUR DTH SERVICES WORK 247365.




ps:At the time of ending this post, luckily my DTH has started functioning automatically. That is a saving of Ra475. Anyway, AM approaching TRAI against you. You won't change.
PS:To PS: 9007910731
I had lost 300 balance on my Main Balance on 27-7-2013. My GPRS unlimited Ra198 is unlimited. I had 565 Mb at 11:45PM 27-7-2013, and 304 main balance. At 10:30 28-7-2013 my main balance Ra1 GPRS 0mb I renewed my account with Ra198 on 7--7-2013. From 7-7-2013 to 27-7-2013 usage 1435 mb. 27-7-2013 23:30 to 28-7-2013 10:30 hours usage 565 mb!!! :-)
I called Ra 100 given to me. That vanished at 12:30 :-)
I got back, Ra200(Still Ra100 remains with you) On 28th I recharged again Ra198To save my talk time from vanishing. And Lo Behold. On 6-8-2013(i.e. Anniversary date of my 7-7-2013 recharge of 198 gprs. Do you know? What was my Data Balance that time? 1.5 GB :-) And it vanished Whoosh, like the Nike symbol!!!!
Airtel, Today, I K.Venugopal Menon, have no doubt in saying, between 25th to Month end, you deduct balances from all your subscribers, to fulfil your revenue targets.

Now do you want me to upload the recording with Pallavi or you will hear the recording, which "The call is being recorded for internal purposes"??

Saturday, July 27, 2013

VenuG Presents Chandan Ka Patan Parody Based on Amartya Sen, Nobel Laureate, Bharat Ratna, v/s Jagdish Bhagwati, Chandan Mitra & Others

Sen, Sex & Sensex
What Bongs & Chandan Mitra Call
"Omerta Sen"

My Parody
Based on
Bollywood Song
Chandan Sa Badan 
From the Film
Saraswati Chandra

Wrote this Yesterday on Twitter 
Mukhda & Antara within 140 character limit. :p

Parody on Chandan sa badan , 
Chanchal Chitwan 
Film: Saraswati Chandra
Written by Indivar
Composer Kalyanji Anandji
Sung by Mukesh Kumar Mathur & Lata Mangeshkar.
Watch the video before 
To set the poem to tune.
Keep laughing.


Chandan ka patan,
Sen ki gayi life ban,
Bhagwati ka jor se chillana,
Kahin khos na lewey jagwaalon
Omerta Ji ka ye, Bharat Ratna.
Oops I forgot about the 1st stanza
Stanza 1

Flipkart se aayi taazi khabar
Vivad ka logon pe hai asar
Mastercard ya Visa ho Na ho
COD pe kitab ka bik jaana

Chandan ka patan ....
Stanza 2
Chalchitra dekhe Jo Kjo ki
J M Keynes samajh paye kya ji
Arnab jo bole Laissez Faire
Chanakya ka sharm se mar Jaana.

Chandan ka patan...
Stanza 3

Swamy ingit kare biwi do
Mother Teresa yaad aawey Jagdish Ko
Akhbaar ke pannon pe aire gaire
NAa(k)ththoo ka article chap jaana!

Chandan ka patan....

Stanza 4

Kaushik Basu kya soch raha?
Freedman ka kitna Aansoo baha
Arthshastra ko kiski nijar lagi
DSE mein sannaata chana.

Chandan ka patan...
Hee hee huhu

Stanza 5

Harvard emerging market ka
Rai dekh raha hai GDP
Nominal pe, real ya PPP
Seth to dekey ji NP
Kallu ki bahu ka
thak kar yoon
Pallu ko odh ke so jana

Chandan ka patan...

Stanza 6

Koi Jo bole, ek taraf hole
Chup bilkul Voter baitha Hai
Kallu evm pe mooh khole
Ram-Rahim ki beta chuppi se
Pad jayega tumko marjana

Chandan ka patan...

Stanza 7

Lukkon Lucchon Lukkon Bhukkon
Janatantra ki gandh ko tum chukko
Kahin bhool ke voter ko neta
Padh jaye tumko pachtana

Chandan ka patan...

Stanza 8
(From here Written on Facebook then tweeted)
Bhagwati ka kehna
Hai jaani
Tata Nano humein Hai banani
Mundhra port banaye Adani
Chup kone mein baithe Advani
In sab ke baad aye hand pump
Seela Ben tabhi bharengi paani

Chandan ka patan ....

Stanza 9
Kehna Hai economist Amartya ka
Bhooki pet soye Hai Durga Ba,
Mujhe vote Modi ko Na dena
Usey Aam Aadmi she kya Lena
Malnutrition se bhachche mar jaaye
tab tumhe yaad aaye Naani

Chandan ka patan...

Stanza 10
Mitra bole sun lo Pitron
Vishwasghat Hai yeh mitron
Bharat Ratna diya thi Gustakhi
Hindu Rashtra she aisi jalsaazi
Ab nahin chalegi manmaani
Tumhe padhega usko Lautana

Chandan ka patan...

Stanza 11

Mera Indian Passport Hai bhole
Ab patli gali mein tu hole
Mera POV aur Vote Mera
Is baat me dakhal nahin tera
Chandan Mitra kyun Sorry bole
Sen, regret se hi kaam chalaana


Chandan ka patan,
Sen ki gayi life ban,
Bhagwati ka jor se chillana,
Kahin khos na lewey jagwaalon
Omerta Ji ka ye, Bharat Ratna.

Argumentative Indian Continues
Here are stubs on Amartya Bhagwati Debate & Chandan Mitra's reaction
This debate teaches you economics
Everything you wanted to know about Bhagwati v/s Sen Debate dated July 20
On the Live Mint & The Mint.
If you don't read The Mint
You are 70% inforrmed about what's happening in the Economic World
Mint Lounge on Saturday is as educative.
Great subject writers on it .

This article by Niranjan Rajadhyaksha actually started the real debate , which helped the book.


The Economist review of Sen & Dreze Book, and reaction letter by Jagdish Bhagwati to editor, of The Economist, and Amartya Sen's almost angry reaction letter, saying Bhagwati is ill-informed to The Editor, The Economist. Inside this article "Sen-Bhagwati Battle, gets acerbic" by Asit Ranjan Mishra. On The Mint & Live mint.







Read this by Sandipan Deb
Especially if you are from Jadavpur University, Bhadralok, Bramho Samaj, Cambridge, Boston or California
Wow Wyaaao(1/2 Bong Saifoo type) Bheeshon Bhalo "Goshto Gopal" "Ghana da" stuff. High brow & culturally deefeekalt for someone without understanding of Brahmin v/s Bramho Presidency v/s Jadavpur & Aristocrat v/s Marxist stuff
Classic staaf thees Babu Moshai
"A letter to Amartya Sen " from Sandipan Deb