Sunday, October 5, 2014

VenuG Presents: Holy Cow!!! Meri Bhains ko danda kyun mara? A fair & lovely case for poor Buffaloes.

Meri Bhains Ko Danda Kyun Maara
Mere khet mein chara charti thee,
Tere Baap Ka Woh Kya Karti thee,
Meri Bhains Ko Danda Kyun Maraaaan?

So Finally this years Durga Puja is over.
Just back from Maddox Square Ballygunge Puja Pandal in South Kolkata,
Which I surprisingly, visited on all the four days this year.
Wife suddenly requested for yoghurt, at 9:30PM,
While going to Lansdowne Market, the only place where, I could find the item,
Wished for by wife. No, she's not in a family way, but we have to go on a early morning Calcutta Tramways new AC Tram sightseeing trip. My sister-in-law, Pretender Didi,  has come from Canada(or Kaneda) to Kolkata, visiting us, at an oppurtune time, during the Durga Puja. I already have taken her #PandalHopping last three days, I'm taking her,  on various excursions, Tram Trip being one, Evening Boat Cruise being another, Bus Trip last, plus loads of Shopping. She being a Jat Sikh, so ALU Parantha & Dahi is the breakfast. So the sudden request for yoghurt. Kolkata Traffic Police, who I must admire & admit, were super efficient, on all 4 days of Puja between 1st & 4th October, 2014, guided me to take a detour, stating that, the beautiful & traditional Durga Idol, at Maddox Square, was being taken for bhasan(immersion) to River Hooghly at Babughat. I saw the idol, for one last time, took some photographs, found my regular dairy closed, another shopkeeper said, "Sir, have no yoghurt, and tomorrow Amul Dairy is on strike, hence no milk, curds or butter tomorrow!!!". I thanked my stars, & Ma Durga, that I in milk too, was a Mother Worshipper, and bought Mother Dairy Milk & not Amul, so, my milk supplier will drop 4 1/2 kg packets of Mother Dairy milk sharp at 7AM.
I promptly U Turned to Lansdowne Market, where a shop , which is open, from 5AM in the Morning to 11PM at night, spare a 4 hour break between 1PM to 5 PM and always has a stock of Milk, Butter & Yoghurt. He had Amul Masti Dahi(Rs28/400grams) which made me mast, mast because, I could fulfil my wife's demand, also because, shall eat awesome Crisp, Amul Butterred ALU Pronthas , with Amul Mast Dahi. Well Amul is a Brand, which came into being, due to a passionate vision, of 'Doodhwala Dude' Late Dr Verghese Kurien, a Syrian Christian from my mother state Kerala , who could not afford an engineering degree from MIT. He was sent to MIT with a bond, that, after completing his degree, he shall return to his motherland India, & served the country, which he did in great style, he found Gujarat Milk Manufacturing & Marketing Federation GMMMF & Anand Milkers Union Limited a cooperative, the acronym of which is AMUL, he beat the Multinational Nestlé at its own game, headed The White Revolution in India known as "Operation Flood" went on to win, the highest civilian honour in India, Bharat Ratna, before he breathed his last, last year, but not before, replicating AMUL in 16 States in India including Rajasthan & West Bengal, with a brand name Saras, Parag, Verka, Mother Dairy etc. He made Cheese Badi Hai mast-mast, masti dahi, Amul Milk Powder, Butter, Yoghurt(Curd) Chaas(buttermilk) Lassi, Shreekhand, Ghee(clarified butter) Milk, and 117 milk related items, then moving to oils ice cream & chocolates, beating brand names like Postman, Kwality, Polson, Nestlé, Cadbury's & Brittania!!!

But well, this is not about Durga Puja!!!
This is not even about Milk!!!
This is not about Dr Verghese Kurien!!!
This is about Buffaloes!!!
 Poor Buffaloes! :(

As I returned home tired, after my expedition "Operation Masti Dahi"
Saala Dimag Ka Dahi Ho Gaya!
I was tired, exhausted, & sweating.
 I took a shower, looked around for newspaper,
Tcha!!! Mera Good Luck Kharaab.
Venu! There were no papers last 4 days you idiot!
I looked for Sunday Papers, which, I hadn't read yet.
Picked Hindustan Times.
Lo Behold!
Manas Chakravarthy Sunday Middle,
Titled loose canon
Shouted at me.
"Buffaloes should lead 'Make in India' charge"
For those who joined late,
'Make in India'
Is the new buzzword in India
Given by our new Prime Minister Shri Narendra Modi.
Trust me, my tiredness was history,
Stomach ache was mystery,
It was laugh a minute non stop,
This was about the plight of poor buffaloes,
In comparison of assortment of other animals,
The Holy Cow, Lion, Peacock, Rat, Dog, Swan, Snake et all.
With reference to Durga Puja,
The story behind Durga Puja,
How Durga atop Lion,
Slayed Mahisasur,
A half man half buffalo,
And came to be known as Mahisasur mardini (as explained by me in another post,
All you wanted to know, about Birendra Krishna Bhadra & Mahisasur Mardini)
And at the end,
I remembered 
LATE MANNA DE(Described by me here)
So here is the video

Meri Bhains
Ko danda kyou Maara
Film:Pagla Kahin Ka
Singer: Manna De
Composer: Shankar Jaikishan
Year: 1970
Actor: Shammi Kapoor.

Suddenly my mind went into a dizzy.
I wracked my brain.
Alas! What Manas da, had said,
About the curious case of the downtrodden buffaloes,
Turned out as a case of Racial Discrimination,
By the Ministry of Transport of Hindu Mythological writers.
With special reference to Hindu Mythology,
Was also true, with reference to
Hindi Lokokti लोकोक्ति (idioms based on folk tales)
Hindi Muhawre मुहावरे (Phrases)
So were the references in Bollywood songs, tales & fables,
As well as the physical treatment of the poor buffaloes, in north Indian dairy farms,
Rice farming as plough animals.
I have seen, farmers, in my native state Kerala
Whip the poor buffalo, standing on the plough behind him,
Shouting loudly
"Eda Potey, Eda Ananga Da, Eda Poda, Eda Neengu da"
Loosely translated in English as
"You buffalo, Dude move, Dude go, Dude run, Dude shift"!!!
I wracked my brain,
Delved deeper into my memories,
Of my early childhood Hindi classes, movie watching as well as life!!!
I found that in every rice cultivating place, In India, China, Burma, poor buffaloes were whipped in the same way.
In Bollywood I found another example
Bhainse (Ghode actually) jaisi chaal
Haathi jaisi dum,
Dulhe raaja jee
Kahaan She Aaye tum?
Tak dhum dhum Tak dhum dhum!
Walk like a buffalo
Tail like an Elephant
Dear Bridegroom,
Where have you incarnated from?
Film Dil To Pagal Hai
Singer: Lata Mangeshkar
Composer Jatin Lalit.
Actors: Shahrukh Khan & Madhuri Dixit.

In Hindi Literature?
"Bhains ke aagey been bajana"
"भैंस के आगे बीन बजाना"
Trying to play horn in front of Buffalo
Trying to explain something to a dumb moron!!!

"Jiski Laathi Uski Bhains"
जिसकी लाठी उसकी भैंस!!

Loosely translated into English
Might is right
Or transliterated
The one who wields the stick owns the Buffalo!!!

 "Akal Badi Ya Bhains?"
अकल बडी या भैस?
Is Brain bigger or Buffalo?
Meaning Though the Buffalo is Big,
But it has no brains, and even the human brain,
Is technically & conceptually, bigger than the poor Buffalo!!!

 Bhains gayi paani mein"
भैस गई पानी मैं!
Buffalo went into water
Your work is spoilt
You're finished!!!
Water poured over all the hard work

Indian Mothers-in-Law
Constantly aspire for
A 'Gori-Chitti'
Fair & Lovely Bride
For their Sons,
That's why
Fair & Lovely Cream
Came into existence!!!

Now even Shahrukh Khan
Is the brand ambassador,
For male version
Fair & Handsome.
With Holy Cow,
Being worshipped, revered, & put on a pedestal
Does Buffalo have any future?
Though Manas Da, makes a strong case for buffaloes,
Make in India case,
Poor Gais have to do with,
Buffalo Jeans Made in India,
Being worn by Yanks,
In Buffalo, New Jersey(Sic!)
Buffalo is in fact in New York State actually! :p
Even the state where Buffalo exists, is named after,
The Milch Cows imported by many of my stand up avatar,
Havaldar Khachedu Singh Tokas' Taus(Uncles)
They aren't even holier than Tau!!!
They can at the most, be 'Gobar Ganesh" "गोबर गणेश"
Or fake avatar of Lord Ganesh made of cow dung!

The height of injustice ends at the pits of Indian Politics,
There have been 3 Chief Ministers in the State of Bihar,
Whose claim to fame in CV was
"Aji hum to bhainsiya charawat rahey, ka samjhey?
Abahu pultics karat rahin, ejukaysun, ajeetaysun, kunstipaysun
Ke baad ma mukhymantri bane ba!
Kachu samjhat ho kaa babua?
Ki naahi??!!!"
अजी हम तो भैंसिया चरावत रहे, का समझे?
अबहु पुल्टिक्स करत रहिन, एजुकेसन, अजीटेसन, कन्स्टीपेसन,
के बाद मा मुखमँत्री बनै बा!
कछु समझत हो का बबुआ?
की नाही??!!!

Sire, I used to graze buffaloes, now do politics,
After education, agitation, constipation,
Have become the Chief Minister,
Do you understand anything kiddo?"

In Haryana, Late Chaudhary Devi Lal & Late Chaudhari Bhajan Lal,
Both troubled their poor buffaloes, to get on the tractor trolley,
Taking them from "Mharrey Haryane" to "Dilli ssair"
By saying
"Ari zo ttu nna chalyeggi, to manney doodh ghee
Pappu Dewega Kkey Susri? Eeb Manney Maran ka sochya Ssai?"

अरी ज़ो त्तू णा चल्येग्गी, त्तो मन्ने, दूध घी कौण देवेगा सुसरी? पप्पू?
ईब मन्ने मारण क्का सोच्चया सै क्के?

If you dont come with me, who will give me milk & clarified butter You mother-in-law? Pappu?
Have to decided to kill me now?

 I can only can say THIS in the end,
 To the poor Buffalo,
 "Teri Bhains ki Aankh!!!


To Hell with you!!!
Even Lord Bramhaa, Vishnu, Mahesh,
Goddess Saraswati, Laksmi, Parvati,
Cannot save you my dear Buffalo!

तेरी भैंस की आँख!!!

I'm sure, if buffaloes in India,
Would have been entitled for the Right to Education,
And could read my this blog post,
All they would say is
ऐक बोचोर पौरे आशुन,
आमी, ऐखानैई थाकबो,
आमरा दुई जोन,
आमी आर आमार भाई महिशाशुर,
ताडाताडी आशुन,
माथा काटुन,
बीरेंद्र कृष्ण भदरो दादा
आकाशवानी ते मन की बात बोल्बे
न्ना मंकी बाथ न्ना तो!!
जार नाम महिशाशुर मर्दिनी
जॉय दुर्गी
शुभो बिजोया
Come after one year.
I shall remain here only,
We both,
I & my brother Mahishasur,

Come fast,
Don't delay OK!
Cut our heads.
 And then later,
Elder Brother Birendra Krishna Bhadra,
Will say his 'Man ki Baat'(Talk straight from heart) on Akashvani,
Not Monkey Bath OK!
The name of which is Mahishasur Mardini.
Joy Durga.
Shubho Bijoya.

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